Lila Ramos Shahani
March, 2010
Manila
I had to admit I did have misgivings about re-entering this fray. Would it even be worth the compromises I would have to make as I left behind an almost idyllic existence in Manhattan? Why had I cast my lot with a politician who arguably had less experience than both my mother and uncle during their early years in public service?
I had, in fact, shunned public life entirely and had left the Philippines for good at the height of my uncle’s presidential administration. As I recall, the entire experience had been vaguely asphyxiating. As an end in itself, political power has never particularly impressed me, and I was certainly not enamored with the methods many deployed in their frenetic efforts to gain access to the power center. And I had seen them all -- power brokers full of hubris and a sense of entitlement, sycophants currying favor with all sides, self-righteous and embittered pseudo-Leftists (the most bourgeois of them all, I later discovered), political candidates (disingenuous, mostly) peddling truth and enlightenment even as they signed off the country to the highest bidder, misogynists of every cast and temper, and vicious gossip as the one unifying thread throughout… In a word, politics (as opposed to political analysis) was not exactly my idea of an illustrious universe. I much preferred a private life surrounded by art, literature and a handful of genuine friends…
But I suppose you might say that watching GMA’s shenanigans from afar had finally changed all that for good. For me, after Garci, there had simply been no turning back. By the time those gruesome images of Ondoy’s excoriating fury (with nary a life-boat in sight, for most) had been indelibly imprinted upon my brain, I was in a quiet state of rage. I knew I had to do something, which is when, I suppose, it dawned on me that I could try to write FVR, my uncle, a letter. Not, mind you, that I had any illusions about my abilities to dissuade or encourage him either way, but I loved him dearly and knew that, in his heart of hearts, he would one day understand that engagement was ultimately an act of respect. I had no way of knowing then how many people would respond to that fateful letter (http://lilashahani. blogspot. com/2009/ 10/open-letter- to-fvr.html) . More importantly, it was the first time I had enunciated -- even to myself -- my decision to support Noynoy Aquino.
So why did I choose Noynoy and why did I risk what would eventually become, for a while at least, a pretty major fall-out within the family? Was this man even worth the cousins and nieces and aunts who had been distressed and inadvertently wounded by my statement -- emphatic as it was -- that enough was finally enough? How did I know at that the fine art of blogging at the time, he certainly recognized that some of my insights were valid, although he did make it a point to correct me when he thought my readings were slightly off-kilter. If anything, the epistolary relationship that grew out of this exchange has strengthened our bond even more…
But the point is: why would I go out of my way for Noynoy, of all people? Why not Gibo, that golden boy from Harvard, or Villar, the self-made Tondo lad whose ability to amass a colossal fortune suggested a financial brilliance that was both astonishing and rare? And why not Erap, the dapper don whose extra-curricular relationships -- ever the bane of his harassed presidential security staff -- continued to remain charming in a creepy sort of way? Or Gordon, uncontrollable temper and human rights record notwithstanding, who had managed to turn Olongapo around almost single-handedly? Then of course there was Nicky Perlas, whose inability to communicate the most basic ideas had certainly not diminished the solidity of his environmental street cred; and, finally, Bro Eddie, who had somehow managed to command the loyalty of some rather impressive human beings I happened to know…
So why Noynoy, whom we had barely heard a peep from (or so I thought) until his mother’s death? Well, I suppose you might say that my choice ultimately had to do with how I view democracy itself. To my mind, the demographics in our country are such that this election is ultimately not going to be determined by classes A, B or even C. Given existing birth rates, it’s all about parts of C, and most of D and E. So whether or not I happen to like Perlas’ qualifications, say, it’s really not about people like me, see. In the end, it has to do with what the largest voting blocs in this country decide. And however much Gordon’s writers might viciously malign other writers who happen to be associated with Noynoy, it doesn’t change the realpolitik bottom line: whether we like it or not, ladies and gentlemen, this happens to be a two-way race, period. This is not to say that there are no spoilers, but even they are not going to significantly affect the numbers. Accepting this fact has less to do with pandering to popularity and ultimately more to do with respecting the will of the people, in my view. Ideally, they will make educated choices. But, either way, this restaurant is only serving up two dishes, and it’s either Noynoy or Villar, so the sooner we accept that fact, the better it will be for everybody. If you happen to believe in democracy (and I fervently do), then you will have to accept that, barring excessive cheating, the demos has already spoken. Going for another candidate, at this point, is to waste one’s vote, in my view, not unlike those who had voted for Nader against Gore, inadvertently helping Bush, Jr. Had Gibo left the ruling party long ago and established his own political personality, I might have even voted for him – but the fact is, see, he didn’t... Indeed, of the major candidates, Noynoy is the only one who has consistently critiqued GMA for years critiqued GMA for years. To be sure, the silence of Villar, Gibo and Gordon on the matter of GMA’s performance has been all but deafening. What does this suggest about who they are and what they stand for? Whether or not Villar and Gordon happen to be in cahoots with GMA, one would have at least hoped that they would behave like the opposition candidates that they are and, well, take the President to task every once in a while… So I can unabashedly say that the first thing I genuinely respect about Noynoy is the fact that he is unafraid to speak his mind, even at the risk of displeasing monolithic interests, whether they happen to be the administration, the Catholic Church, legal circles or public opinion itself. His position on the replacement of Chief Justice Puno is a case in point.
That quiet courage (occasionally a bold conviction) is tempered by an unassailable sense of integrity. He has never once been suspected of being involved in anything corrupt. To my mind, we need a leader with such a reputation who can set a moral tone throughout government.
The one issue that his opponents and cause-oriented groups have continued to milk is Luisita, but an examination of the facts indicates that his share is indeed fairly insignificant. And however imperfect CARP, CARPER and the entire fractured legacy of land reform in this country might be, it cannot all be reasonably placed at Noynoy’s doorstep. He cannot be held responsible for Fernando Cojuangco’s statements or the NYT’s decision to only look at a polarity of interests (namely, a landowner, on the one hand, and an Anakpawis representative, on the other; not that there is anything inherently problematic with either, but they most certainly don’t represent the complex range of interests in the Luisita case, nor do they adequately reflect the Aquino family’s perspective) .
Of course it can be argued that the failure of land reform in the Philippines has to do precisely with the interests of big landowners, who ultimately tend to block reform. But it would seem to me that the only things Noynoy can do, as a shareholder (short of holding a gun to the other shareholders’ heads), is to continue to strive to disengage from Luisita with those members of his immediate family who fully support him; the only other thing, as a government official who is not yet president, is to fight corruption and tax evasion so that agrarian reform might be more fully and successfully implemented in the long-term. It would seem to me, at any rate, that this is exactly what he’s been trying to do. In fact, instead of holding on to land he could be holding on to, he has essentially offered to give it up altogether: the day the rest of his social class follows suit will be a revolutionary day indeed for this semi-feudal country of ours…
I suppose you might say that courage and integrity are the most important issues to me because of my mother’s example. In living the life that she has led, she taught me that it is still possible to be a successful politician in this country without becoming corrupt. Her inviolable sense of honor happens to be the one legacy I am most proud of. Chatting with Noynoy, it suddenly struck me that his quiet, unassuming manner reminded me a little of her… If anything, his home is modest and simple, and clearly has no unnecessary frills. It is, indeed, a far cry from the homes of many politicians I’ve seen, and conveys a great deal about his scrupulous honesty.
I also appreciate the types of bills he has filed: they are clearly reform-oriented in very overarching ways. It comes as no great surprise that Noynoy became a strict fiscalizer in his time, focusing more on accountability in government appropriations and spending than anything else. Among the measures he pushed for were greater restrictions on exemptions to the requirement of public bidding and strengthening legislative oversight over executive spending. He also sought to tighten congressional oversight on the executive’s use of public funds.
More importantly, if one studies the actual bills he filed and the quality of thinking that has gone into what are clearly pro-reform views, what is more striking is how many of them were not passed. How is it that none of these (arguably stellar) initiatives -- on PNP reform; an increase in penalties for corporations and work establishments not compliant with minimum wage; the banning of reappointments to the Judicial and Bar Council; the prevention of reappointments and bypassing of the Commission on Appointments; real property valuation based on international standards; and superior responsibility for senior military officers, who are ultimately responsible for their own subordinates -- had been passed? Had they been blocked, I had to ask? These were after all not the kind of trivial initiatives one might associate with certain legislators, for instance, and could certainly have benefited the country as a whole…
Noynoy agreed with my reading, noting that the job of an effective legislator goes beyond merely proposing laws. After all, legislators have the responsibility to ensure that the checks and balances system in our government is at work as well. But he had clearly pitted himself against the administration in a score of privileged speeches that questioned the government’s alleged human rights abuses (with respect to the desaparecidos, informal settlers, marginalized groups and extrajudicial killings). He has also continued to question the misuse of public funds (ZTE-NBN, “Euro Generals” and Fertilizer Fund, etc.). So it wouldn’t be entirely surprising if he had rubbed the administration the wrong way, which would certainly explain why so many of his initiatives never saw the light of day. Clearly, he would have been threatening to many in the establishment, which further sheds light on why he was stripped of his post as Deputy Speaker for Luzon after he called for GMA’s resignation at the height of the “Hello, Garci” scandal…
This was not about the re-filing of insignificant bills, and I certainly appreciated country without becoming corrupt. Her inviolable sense of honor happens to be the one legacy I am most proud of. Chatting with Noynoy, it suddenly struck me that his quiet, unassuming manner reminded me a little of her… If anything, his home is modest and simple, and clearly has no unnecessary frills. It is, indeed, a far cry from the homes of many politicians I’ve seen, and conveys a great deal about his scrupulous honesty.
This was not about the re-filing of insignificant bills, and I certainly appreciated the assiduousness with which he doggedly pursued specific issues close to his heart, as well as his tenacity when it came to protecting his sisters….
Like all of us, of course, he is far from perfect. If there is anything I am somewhat critical of, it is how he has allowed the conflicting interest groups around him to position themselves. I am well aware that his, too, was a midnight appointment, if you will, while other forces had invested years in pushing for a Mar presidency. I also have a great deal of respect for Mar and consider him to be highly qualified. But if the surveys, funders and public response were such that it was finally deemed more expedient to have Noynoy take on the mantle, then everyone, in my humble opinion, should simply adjust accordingly, period. It is absurd for Mar to magnanimously step down while some of his more ardent supporters remain ambivalent about his decision.
Ultimately, of course, Noynoy has the command responsibility of keeping these diverse interests in line and instilling a sense of party discipline in everyone. Personally, I strongly believe in having a professional approach towards one’s political party. After all, in the end, we’re a team. Perhaps my worldview is borne of my experiences at the UN, and my affiliations have less to do with specific personalities than with specific causes. At this point, Noynoy happens to be closest to the ones I hold most dear….
I first had a sense of this lack of organization and discipline in September of last year, when I had written someone in the party from abroad to offer to help raise funds in the US. Like a great many people (some of whom are far more eminent and qualified than myself) who had offered to help, I received no response. Now this was not about a desire for recognition on the part of many; instead, it had to do with fund-raising or voter registration that could have been done, but wasn’t. A great many volunteers have walked away because they feel their views have not been adequately considered or respected; that, precisely, Noynoy’s success in this election very much depends upon his ability to look beyond his cordon sanitaire so he can understand and reflect the will of the people.
But are these high crimes and misdemeanors? Hardly. If this is all that can be said of Noynoy, then I would suggest that we’re still in pretty good shape. These issues, after all, form part and parcel of party/institution- building, and are inevitable in young, postcolonial democracies such as ours.
And, however amorphous and chaotic it might be, it is infinitely preferable to have a party culture such as this, rather than one in which only Mr. Villar, his wife and their sons get to call the shots. Infinitely preferable to have conflicting interests, still, than to watch a candidate slowly morphing into a cross between Thaksin and Berlusconi (http://lilashahani. blogspot. com/2010/ 03/concentric- circles-private- musings-on. html).
Perhaps Noynoy has resonated with such a startling number of Filipinos because he is an Every Man who precisely doesn’t come across as a bull-shit artist. At his mother’s funeral, people saw a man who was forthright and simple, and one who didn’t grandstand in his sorrow. Almost, if you will, an ethical version of Erap. Or a Ramon Magsaysay: down-home, occasionally corny, but certainly not pretentious or elitist.
As cultural theorist Marian Pastor Roces confided: “As the Tagalogs would put it, magaan sa dibdib. Mababa ang loob. Nagpapatotoo. The choice of this sort of human being is consistent with both cultural and historical notions of leadership in pre-Islamic, pre-Christian Southeast Asia… There is a large layer of our society that chooses leaders for qualities of a good loob: tapat, makatotohanan, matapang, malumanay, magalang. Between the 1980s and Cory’s funeral, there was no leader who exhibited these qualities, and Filipinos voted instead for magaling (FVR) and maka-kapwa (Erap). But they rejected GMA for being none of the above.”
The phenomenon of people power -- for all its vague and perplexing aspects – is one that Noynoy apparently understands at a deeply intuitive level. The prospect of tapping into it once again after EDSA 1 was certainly beguiling. Not for the sake of Cory and Ninoy, but for that of a much younger man (a relation, as it happens, but clearly not one who was bereft of his own convictions) -- one whose sense of vision meant that monopolies, bloated government interests and extra-judicial killings were all mightily and single-handedly being taken to task. In which case, I was exactly where I needed to be at this historic moment: as I continued writing in this gritty, fetid and occasionally glorious city, the one word that continued to hum insistently in my brain was change.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Potty Training
Highlights
A. Assess your child's readiness — and your own
B. Buy the right equipment
C. Create a routine
D. Demonstrate for your child
E. Explain the process
F. Foster the habit
G. Grab some training pants
H. Handle setbacks gracefully
I. Introduce night training
J. Jump for joy — you're done!
Reviewed by Sarah Pearson, M.D., September 2006
Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their child's development, if for no other reason than that it means an end to changing diapers. But few moms and dads are prepared for how long toilet training can take. Sure, some children master it within a few days, but others can take several months. In fact, it's generally true that the earlier you start, the longer it takes.
You and your child have a better chance of success if you understand the elements of training and approach the process in a clear fashion. Here are the basic steps:
A. Assess your child's readiness — and your own
Some children are ready to start potty training by 18 months or so, but others aren't interested in the process until they're closer to 3 years old. Many parents begin potty training when their children are about 2 and a half.
Watch for signs that your toddler is ready to start (can she follow simple instructions? can she walk and sit down?) but try not to put on the pressure. Rushing her when she's not ready will be counterproductive. And remember that what worked for your older child might not work for this one — boys tend to train a bit more slowly than girls, while second (and subsequent) children may learn more quickly than firstborns.
Look beyond your toddler's developmental readiness, too. If she's experiencing any turmoil or major change in her life, like a new school, caregiver, or sibling, the potty-training process is likely to hit some snags and should probably be put off until things have settled down.
There's also no sense in beginning potty training when you — or your child's primary caregivers — won't be able to devote time, patience, and a dash of humor to the process. If you're in the middle of remodeling your house, have just taken a challenging new job, or are suffering from morning sickness with your next pregnancy, it's probably not a good time to try to potty-train your toddler. Wait a couple of weeks — or months — for other pressures to ease.
B. Buy the right equipment
First and foremost, invest in a child-sized potty chair or a special adapter seat that attaches to your regular toilet. This eases the anxiety some children feel about the grown-up toilet — some fear falling into it, others dislike the loud noise of the flush. Figure out what equipment is best for your toddler before you go shopping.
If you have a boy and are buying a potty chair, look for one without a urine guard or with a removable one. You may have to wipe up a little more stray pee, but the guards tend to bump into and scrape a boy's penis when he sits on the potty, which can discourage him from training.
If you're using an adapter seat, make sure it's comfy and secure, and buy a stool to go with it. Your toddler will need the stool in order to get up and down from the toilet quickly and easily, as well as to brace her feet while sitting, which helps her push when she's having a bowel movement.
C. Create a routine
Set your toddler on the potty seat, fully clothed, once a day — after breakfast, before her bath, or whenever else she's likely to have a bowel movement. This will help her get used to the potty and accept it as part of her routine. If there's not an easily accessible bathroom around, bring your child's portable potty outside, to the playroom, or wherever your toddler may be.
Once she's fine with this routine, have her sit on the potty bare-bottomed. Again, let her get used to how this feels. At this point, let her know that this is what Mommy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day. That is, taking off your pants before you use the bathroom is a grown-up thing to do.
If sitting on the potty with or without clothes is upsetting to your toddler, don't push it. Never restrain her or physically force her to sit there, especially if she seems scared. It's better to put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again. Then, if she's willing to sit there, you know she's comfortable enough to proceed.
D. Demonstrate for your child
Children learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural way to understand what using the toilet is all about. If you have a son, it's simpler to teach him to pee sitting down at this young age. Later, when he's mastered that, he can watch his dad, older brother, or friend pee standing up — he's bound to pick it up quickly with just a little encouragement.
When you demonstrate for your toddler, it's helpful to explain what's going on as you're using the bathroom and let her see afterward what you "made." Then show her how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear, flush the toilet, and wash your hands.
Even though you'll be helping your toddler with these activities for some time, especially wiping after a bowel movement, seeing you do it and hearing you talk through it will help her get used to the whole process. (When you wipe your toddler, make sure to go from front to back, especially after a bowel movement, to minimize the risk of urinary tract infections.)
If your toddler has older siblings or friends who are potty-trained, consider having them demonstrate, too. It can be helpful for your child to see others close to her age exhibiting the skills she's trying to learn.
E. Explain the process
Show your toddler the connection between pooping and the toilet. The next time she poops in her diaper, take her to the potty, sit her down, and empty the diaper beneath her into the bowl. Afterward, let her flush if she wants to (but don't force her if she's scared) so she can watch her diaper contents disappear.
You also may want to pick up a few potty-training picture books or videos for your toddler, which can assist her in taking in all this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as well as Uh Oh! Gotta Go! and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and miniature potty.
Keeping a book like this in the bathroom, or a poster or flipbook that illustrates the steps in using the potty, can help your toddler get familiar with the process and relate it to what she does in the bathroom.
F. Foster the habit
Encourage your toddler to sit on the potty whenever she feels the urge to go. If she needs help getting there and taking off her diaper, make sure she knows it's okay to ask you for help any time.
If you can, let her run around bare-bottomed sometimes with the potty nearby. The more time she spends out of diapers, the faster she's likely to learn, although you'll have to steel yourself to clean up a few more puddles. Tell her she can use the potty whenever she wants to, and remind her occasionally that it's there if she needs it.
Sometimes toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage your toddler to sit there for at least a minute or so. You'll have the best luck getting her to stay put if you keep her company and talk to her or read her a book.
When your toddler uses the potty successfully, shower her with praise. Chances are that she'll continue to have accidents, but she'll start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment. Still, try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty, or your toddler may start to feel nervous and self-conscious under the glare of all that attention.
G. Grab some training pants
Once training is under way, consider adding training pants — extra-thick cloth or disposables that pull on like underwear — to your routine. They'll allow your toddler to undress for the potty on her own, which is a critical step toward becoming completely potty-trained.
While cloth training pants are less convenient than disposable pull-ups, many parents say they work better because your toddler can really feel when she pees or poops in them. Whichever option you choose, introduce them gradually — probably for a few hours at a time — and stick with diapers at night for the time being.
When your child consistently seeks out the potty whenever she has to go, it's time to move on to "big-kid" underwear. Many moms and dads have found that undies with a favorite character on them give kids a dandy incentive to stay dry.
H. Handle setbacks gracefully
Virtually every child will have several accidents before being able to stay dry all day long. When this happens, don't get angry or punish your child. After all, it's only recently that her muscle development has allowed her to hold her bladder and rectum closed at all, and she's still learning why it's important to use the potty. Mastering the process will take time.
What can you do? Reduce the chance of accidents by dressing your toddler in clothes that are easy to remove quickly. When she has an accident anyway, calmly clean it up and suggest (sweetly) that next time she try using her potty instead.
I. Introduce night training
Don't give away that stash of diapers just yet. Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take several more months, or even years, for her to stay dry all night. At this age, her body is still too immature to wake her up in the middle of the night reliably just to go to the bathroom.
When you're ready to embark on night training, your toddler should continue to wear a diaper or pull-up to bed, but encourage her to use the potty if she has to pee or poop during the night. Tell her that if she wakes up in the middle of the night needing to go, she can call you for help. You can also try putting her potty near her bed so she can use it right there.
If she manages to stay dry for five nights in a row, it's a good time to start nighttime training in earnest. Put a plastic sheet under the cloth one to protect the mattress, and put your toddler to bed in underwear (or nothing) and see how it goes.
There's not much you can do to help things along, short of limiting liquids before bedtime, so if your toddler doesn't seem to get the hang of it, put her back in nighttime diapers and try again in a few months.
J. Jump for joy — you're done!
Believe it or not, when your child is mentally and physically ready to learn this new skill, she will. And if you wait until she's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.
When it's over, reinforce her pride in her achievement by letting her give away leftover diapers to a family with younger kids, or by packing up the cloth diapers and sending them away with the diaper delivery service one last time.
And don't forget to pat yourself on the back. Now you won't have to think about diapers ever again — at least, not until the next baby.
A. Assess your child's readiness — and your own
B. Buy the right equipment
C. Create a routine
D. Demonstrate for your child
E. Explain the process
F. Foster the habit
G. Grab some training pants
H. Handle setbacks gracefully
I. Introduce night training
J. Jump for joy — you're done!
Reviewed by Sarah Pearson, M.D., September 2006
Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their child's development, if for no other reason than that it means an end to changing diapers. But few moms and dads are prepared for how long toilet training can take. Sure, some children master it within a few days, but others can take several months. In fact, it's generally true that the earlier you start, the longer it takes.
You and your child have a better chance of success if you understand the elements of training and approach the process in a clear fashion. Here are the basic steps:
A. Assess your child's readiness — and your own
Some children are ready to start potty training by 18 months or so, but others aren't interested in the process until they're closer to 3 years old. Many parents begin potty training when their children are about 2 and a half.
Watch for signs that your toddler is ready to start (can she follow simple instructions? can she walk and sit down?) but try not to put on the pressure. Rushing her when she's not ready will be counterproductive. And remember that what worked for your older child might not work for this one — boys tend to train a bit more slowly than girls, while second (and subsequent) children may learn more quickly than firstborns.
Look beyond your toddler's developmental readiness, too. If she's experiencing any turmoil or major change in her life, like a new school, caregiver, or sibling, the potty-training process is likely to hit some snags and should probably be put off until things have settled down.
There's also no sense in beginning potty training when you — or your child's primary caregivers — won't be able to devote time, patience, and a dash of humor to the process. If you're in the middle of remodeling your house, have just taken a challenging new job, or are suffering from morning sickness with your next pregnancy, it's probably not a good time to try to potty-train your toddler. Wait a couple of weeks — or months — for other pressures to ease.
B. Buy the right equipment
First and foremost, invest in a child-sized potty chair or a special adapter seat that attaches to your regular toilet. This eases the anxiety some children feel about the grown-up toilet — some fear falling into it, others dislike the loud noise of the flush. Figure out what equipment is best for your toddler before you go shopping.
If you have a boy and are buying a potty chair, look for one without a urine guard or with a removable one. You may have to wipe up a little more stray pee, but the guards tend to bump into and scrape a boy's penis when he sits on the potty, which can discourage him from training.
If you're using an adapter seat, make sure it's comfy and secure, and buy a stool to go with it. Your toddler will need the stool in order to get up and down from the toilet quickly and easily, as well as to brace her feet while sitting, which helps her push when she's having a bowel movement.
C. Create a routine
Set your toddler on the potty seat, fully clothed, once a day — after breakfast, before her bath, or whenever else she's likely to have a bowel movement. This will help her get used to the potty and accept it as part of her routine. If there's not an easily accessible bathroom around, bring your child's portable potty outside, to the playroom, or wherever your toddler may be.
Once she's fine with this routine, have her sit on the potty bare-bottomed. Again, let her get used to how this feels. At this point, let her know that this is what Mommy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day. That is, taking off your pants before you use the bathroom is a grown-up thing to do.
If sitting on the potty with or without clothes is upsetting to your toddler, don't push it. Never restrain her or physically force her to sit there, especially if she seems scared. It's better to put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again. Then, if she's willing to sit there, you know she's comfortable enough to proceed.
D. Demonstrate for your child
Children learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural way to understand what using the toilet is all about. If you have a son, it's simpler to teach him to pee sitting down at this young age. Later, when he's mastered that, he can watch his dad, older brother, or friend pee standing up — he's bound to pick it up quickly with just a little encouragement.
When you demonstrate for your toddler, it's helpful to explain what's going on as you're using the bathroom and let her see afterward what you "made." Then show her how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear, flush the toilet, and wash your hands.
Even though you'll be helping your toddler with these activities for some time, especially wiping after a bowel movement, seeing you do it and hearing you talk through it will help her get used to the whole process. (When you wipe your toddler, make sure to go from front to back, especially after a bowel movement, to minimize the risk of urinary tract infections.)
If your toddler has older siblings or friends who are potty-trained, consider having them demonstrate, too. It can be helpful for your child to see others close to her age exhibiting the skills she's trying to learn.
E. Explain the process
Show your toddler the connection between pooping and the toilet. The next time she poops in her diaper, take her to the potty, sit her down, and empty the diaper beneath her into the bowl. Afterward, let her flush if she wants to (but don't force her if she's scared) so she can watch her diaper contents disappear.
You also may want to pick up a few potty-training picture books or videos for your toddler, which can assist her in taking in all this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as well as Uh Oh! Gotta Go! and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and miniature potty.
Keeping a book like this in the bathroom, or a poster or flipbook that illustrates the steps in using the potty, can help your toddler get familiar with the process and relate it to what she does in the bathroom.
F. Foster the habit
Encourage your toddler to sit on the potty whenever she feels the urge to go. If she needs help getting there and taking off her diaper, make sure she knows it's okay to ask you for help any time.
If you can, let her run around bare-bottomed sometimes with the potty nearby. The more time she spends out of diapers, the faster she's likely to learn, although you'll have to steel yourself to clean up a few more puddles. Tell her she can use the potty whenever she wants to, and remind her occasionally that it's there if she needs it.
Sometimes toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage your toddler to sit there for at least a minute or so. You'll have the best luck getting her to stay put if you keep her company and talk to her or read her a book.
When your toddler uses the potty successfully, shower her with praise. Chances are that she'll continue to have accidents, but she'll start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment. Still, try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty, or your toddler may start to feel nervous and self-conscious under the glare of all that attention.
G. Grab some training pants
Once training is under way, consider adding training pants — extra-thick cloth or disposables that pull on like underwear — to your routine. They'll allow your toddler to undress for the potty on her own, which is a critical step toward becoming completely potty-trained.
While cloth training pants are less convenient than disposable pull-ups, many parents say they work better because your toddler can really feel when she pees or poops in them. Whichever option you choose, introduce them gradually — probably for a few hours at a time — and stick with diapers at night for the time being.
When your child consistently seeks out the potty whenever she has to go, it's time to move on to "big-kid" underwear. Many moms and dads have found that undies with a favorite character on them give kids a dandy incentive to stay dry.
H. Handle setbacks gracefully
Virtually every child will have several accidents before being able to stay dry all day long. When this happens, don't get angry or punish your child. After all, it's only recently that her muscle development has allowed her to hold her bladder and rectum closed at all, and she's still learning why it's important to use the potty. Mastering the process will take time.
What can you do? Reduce the chance of accidents by dressing your toddler in clothes that are easy to remove quickly. When she has an accident anyway, calmly clean it up and suggest (sweetly) that next time she try using her potty instead.
I. Introduce night training
Don't give away that stash of diapers just yet. Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take several more months, or even years, for her to stay dry all night. At this age, her body is still too immature to wake her up in the middle of the night reliably just to go to the bathroom.
When you're ready to embark on night training, your toddler should continue to wear a diaper or pull-up to bed, but encourage her to use the potty if she has to pee or poop during the night. Tell her that if she wakes up in the middle of the night needing to go, she can call you for help. You can also try putting her potty near her bed so she can use it right there.
If she manages to stay dry for five nights in a row, it's a good time to start nighttime training in earnest. Put a plastic sheet under the cloth one to protect the mattress, and put your toddler to bed in underwear (or nothing) and see how it goes.
There's not much you can do to help things along, short of limiting liquids before bedtime, so if your toddler doesn't seem to get the hang of it, put her back in nighttime diapers and try again in a few months.
J. Jump for joy — you're done!
Believe it or not, when your child is mentally and physically ready to learn this new skill, she will. And if you wait until she's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.
When it's over, reinforce her pride in her achievement by letting her give away leftover diapers to a family with younger kids, or by packing up the cloth diapers and sending them away with the diaper delivery service one last time.
And don't forget to pat yourself on the back. Now you won't have to think about diapers ever again — at least, not until the next baby.
Your Child's Brain in Weeks 61 and 62
One day you take your toddler with you to the garage to search for a hammer. You find it in a cabinet, head to the living room, and pound in a nail to hang a picture. A week later you're in the garage again and your toddler heads for that same cabinet, attempts to grab the hammer, and indicates that she's interested in hanging another picture.
Can it be that after only one opportunity to see you (or anyone else) use this hammer, she remembered where it was and copied what you did with it, even after a week's delay? How can your child so vividly recollect this activity?
What the Research Shows
You may remember that as far back as your child's 36th week, she was able to mimic your actions even a few days after she'd watched them, a concept researchers call "deferred imitation." But now, in your child's second year, she has acquired even more specific recall abilities.
It was once thought that reproducing novel acts would be cognitively more difficult for young children than imitating familiar ones. The following experiment changed people's minds:
A researcher showed 14-month-olds five different types of toys that required a specific action: object pulling, hinge folding, button pushing, egg rattling, and bear dancing. Then the toddlers watched an especially unusual activity: The researcher leaned forward from the waist and banged a box with his forehead. When he touched the box, it lit up. Pretty exciting!
A week later the children returned to the laboratory. The researcher presented the six toys and activities to each child. The results? Most of the children performed three of the tasks, but the researchers were astonished to find that more of them remembered and copied the new head-bopping move!
Here's what we know: Unusual acts stand out in children's memories. (This fact goes back to the notion of habituation and dishabituation that babies learn in their first year.) For example, the first time your child sees you use a toaster, he will watch you closely and remember how to imitate what you do with it. If on another day you use the toaster again and use your eggbeater for the first time, it's the eggbeater he'll be most interested in. Why? It's new and different. The toaster is old hat; the eggbeater, fascinating.
Children are highly interested in being competent in their environment. The more new activities they remember and imitate, the more competent they become. Give your child safe ways to mimic your grown-up actions, and you'll be amazed at the skills he picks up!
Can it be that after only one opportunity to see you (or anyone else) use this hammer, she remembered where it was and copied what you did with it, even after a week's delay? How can your child so vividly recollect this activity?
What the Research Shows
You may remember that as far back as your child's 36th week, she was able to mimic your actions even a few days after she'd watched them, a concept researchers call "deferred imitation." But now, in your child's second year, she has acquired even more specific recall abilities.
It was once thought that reproducing novel acts would be cognitively more difficult for young children than imitating familiar ones. The following experiment changed people's minds:
A researcher showed 14-month-olds five different types of toys that required a specific action: object pulling, hinge folding, button pushing, egg rattling, and bear dancing. Then the toddlers watched an especially unusual activity: The researcher leaned forward from the waist and banged a box with his forehead. When he touched the box, it lit up. Pretty exciting!
A week later the children returned to the laboratory. The researcher presented the six toys and activities to each child. The results? Most of the children performed three of the tasks, but the researchers were astonished to find that more of them remembered and copied the new head-bopping move!
Here's what we know: Unusual acts stand out in children's memories. (This fact goes back to the notion of habituation and dishabituation that babies learn in their first year.) For example, the first time your child sees you use a toaster, he will watch you closely and remember how to imitate what you do with it. If on another day you use the toaster again and use your eggbeater for the first time, it's the eggbeater he'll be most interested in. Why? It's new and different. The toaster is old hat; the eggbeater, fascinating.
Children are highly interested in being competent in their environment. The more new activities they remember and imitate, the more competent they become. Give your child safe ways to mimic your grown-up actions, and you'll be amazed at the skills he picks up!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
April 15
I went to waltermart calamba after office to buy JM some bottled water and eye drop for Tatay. I also bought ate her medicine for alergy, she can't eat anything fishy he he he
While I was in walter I check Abenson for kiddie table and chair but their stock does not suit my taste. I was planning to buy a set for JM, so can have his own place when he plays with his crayons and writing pad con flip chart. The kiddie sofa bed I saw before on their display is no longer in stock. Sayang I want to buy one pa man din. Ayaw lang talaga siguro akong pagastusin ng tadhana =)
While I was in walter I check Abenson for kiddie table and chair but their stock does not suit my taste. I was planning to buy a set for JM, so can have his own place when he plays with his crayons and writing pad con flip chart. The kiddie sofa bed I saw before on their display is no longer in stock. Sayang I want to buy one pa man din. Ayaw lang talaga siguro akong pagastusin ng tadhana =)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Planning for our 2nd baby?
Nuh, definitely not this year.
I'm planning to have our second baby by 2012, year of the dragon. I really wish it will materialize =) and sana baby girl naman. Para hindi ako ma stress sa gender ng 3rd baby. Hahaha wala pa ngang 2nd iniisip na agad ang 3rd!
I'm planning to have our second baby by 2012, year of the dragon. I really wish it will materialize =) and sana baby girl naman. Para hindi ako ma stress sa gender ng 3rd baby. Hahaha wala pa ngang 2nd iniisip na agad ang 3rd!
Babe I Love You
How I wish I will be able to watch this movie kahit hindi na sa cinema, since it's really so expensive to watch movies in cinemas.
So, I'm hoping to watch this for free kahit from internet he he he. bad bad bad
Resting
I wasn't able to report for work today due to headache.
May rashes kasi si JM kagabi kaya hindi muna namin nilagyan ng diaper, kaya nung nagwiwi sya kaninang madaling araw nagising sya kaya nabasa pati legs nya. Almost sunrise na ng matulog ulit sya at sunod-sunod naman ang wiwi nya, palit tuloy ako ng palit ng cloth diaper nya kaya puyat pati si mommy. But it okay, as long as hindi na iritable si baby.
May rashes kasi si JM kagabi kaya hindi muna namin nilagyan ng diaper, kaya nung nagwiwi sya kaninang madaling araw nagising sya kaya nabasa pati legs nya. Almost sunrise na ng matulog ulit sya at sunod-sunod naman ang wiwi nya, palit tuloy ako ng palit ng cloth diaper nya kaya puyat pati si mommy. But it okay, as long as hindi na iritable si baby.
Update
JM is already 14 month old now and he can talk na though basic words lang and he can walk and run a little na rin.
We're planning to bring him in Enchanted on May 1 for our company's family day. Sana mag enjoy sya at sana hindi masydong mainit that day at hindi rin sana umulan. Mas maganda kung magiging maulap at mahangin para enjoy ang mga kids. Good luck sa amin pagdating sa haba ng pila!
We're planning to bring him in Enchanted on May 1 for our company's family day. Sana mag enjoy sya at sana hindi masydong mainit that day at hindi rin sana umulan. Mas maganda kung magiging maulap at mahangin para enjoy ang mga kids. Good luck sa amin pagdating sa haba ng pila!
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