Importance of having friends

When I saw this poem I can't help but miss my "true" friends. I'm posting the same here:

Once in a lifetime
you find a friend
who touches not only your heart
but also your soul

Once in a lifetime
you discover someone
who stands beside you,
not over you.

Once in a lifetime
if you are lucky
you find someone
as I have found you.

Very special people
we can be ourselves with,
talk with, laugh with,
hope with and believe with...

True Friendship

How to survive graduate studies

How to survive graduate studies
http://business.inquirer.net/money/personalfinance/view_article.php?article_id=100356

While working as the migrant desk project officer at the Jesuit-run John J. Carroll Institute on Church and Social Issues, and a first time Journalism instructor at his alma mater, Jeremaiah Opiniano, 31, an AB Journalism graduate from the University of Santo Tomas, took up MA Development Communication at the University of the Philippines- Open University in 1999. Learn how to be a master multitasker like Opiniano.

If you want to earn it – go for it. Jere says apart from growing professionally, nurturing his passion for non-profit work and communication studies prompted him to take up his master's degree. Apart from required courses, he also took up three cognates from UP-Diliman to get a feel of residential studies. "The degree is research-based. The training was difficult. I even got a 2.00 (or an "average" grade) for one of my electives but that's okay– I learned a lot. The whole process was really good," he recalls.

Set your priorities. With a 9-to-6 job and a 3-unit teaching load, Jere had to be disciplined to breeze through his graduate studies. "What's good in an open university is that it's a perfect fit for a graduate student who also works," he says. For him, graduate studies are also a responsibility, since you'll handle it among other things, including relationships. "If you really want it, you will do everything to get it. It also depends on the person if he or she can handle this added responsibility of further studies," he cautions.

Tap all available support. With a little savings, plus his parents' support, Jere was able to finance his studies at the start. Eventually, he set aside part of his income for school. The P20,000 grant he got from the Philippine Social Science Council, apart from the logistical support he got from the International Institute on Rural Reconstruction (his research subject), mainly aided his research, which was tedious and costly during data-gathering. He also credits ICSI for letting employees pursue graduate studies.

Develop the habit of scholarship. During the application process, it's always asked if you can really be a teacher or a researcher. "And you have to be willing to be trained like that – madali pa nga ang training dito, sa ibang bansa, mas pahirapan," Jere points out. But there are also some students who don't want to do theses since they are laborious and costly. "But for me, thesis is important because that's the measure of what you learned."

Aim for quality education. Seek one where you can learn the most, Jere says, whether you enroll in one of the top universities or other graduate or professional schools. If you think you're not cut out for graduate studies or that you can't finish the program because of burnout or other priorities, consider taking either certificate courses here or abroad. "There's really a disparity between the number of enrollees versus those who graduate. If you realize you can't do it, then leave. You can get professional advancement elsewhere," Jere advises.

How to Say Sorry to Him

Your man and you just had a fight. It could have been sorted out there and then, but the situation was such that none of you felt like talking. Now, you are in your room, sulking alone. You wish you could turn back time and made everything okay by apologizing to him. You are totally clueless about how to say sorry to him. This is where we come in the scene as we bring you creative and meaningful ways for saying sorry to a guy. Read on further to know why is it said that actions speak louder than words!

• Guys do not prefer sitting down immediately after a fight and talk about it. They are usually raging inside and you can get a taste of their bad attitude if you force them to listen to you.
• Leave your man alone to give him time to cool down. Do not bother him with phone calls or text messages. Most of the times guys are ones who call up to talk things out.
• Wait for a day or two. Then go to their place and sort things out. Again, make sure he hasn't had a bad day at work or any other sort of thing that has him in low spirits.
• Contrary to what some people think, guys like flowers too. It is absolutely cool to give your man flowers and make him good dinner to make him feel special.
• Make sure you pamper him and tell him how much you love him after you apologize. Spend some cozy moments together and let him know that he is special and means a lot to you.

How to Say Sorry

Any relation is bound to have its highs and lows. Sometimes the lows are so low that you end up in a fight. The agony of sulking and being away from your partner is worse than going to Hell. You seem to be blank about how to say sorry. Patching up after a fight has never been so difficult. Read on further to find out ways to apologize to your partner and get your relationship back on track.

Though it may seem odd at first, saying sorry to a loved one has its own benefits. You become more understanding and more tolerant of each other. You can tackle those petty issues that keep cropping up between the two of you without making a big fuss about it. Given below are a few tips to make it even more genuine and romantic.

• Make sure you don't make a big fuss about saying sorry. It is just one word and remember, it can either make or break your relationship.
• Say it with flowers and anything that your partner loves. If she loves dancing, take her out for a slow dance and say you are sorry while she is dancing in your arms. If he loves bowling, go out for a game together and tell him when he has finished striking all pins that you are sorry.
• Never start arguing as to who started the fight first. No use looking back on something that is just not worth. Else, you will be back on square one.
• Make sure you are genuinely sorry for your mistakes. Don't try to fake up feelings just for the heck of it. Remember, it could happen to you too someday.
• Value your partner. Learn to respect his/her feelings and don't do things to hurt him/her deliberately.

Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know

by Annie Kaszina

1. Sticks and stones won’t break my bones” – and words won’t leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.

Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalise and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.

The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.

2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behaviour was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.

3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated? Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”

If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgement. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.

4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologise for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?

Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?
When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.

5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.

You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.

If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.

6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)

Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.

7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it, because her partner is working against her.

Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by mental abuse, it is never too late to heal.

But you do need to work with a person or a programme specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.

Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.

Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past mental abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.

“The Woman You Want To Be” is a unique workbook designed to accompany you on a year long journey into emotional health and happiness.

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.
Email:annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.emotionalabuserecoverynow.com/
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